A Day In The Life Of A Musician: A Timeline Odyssey

12 noon: wake up.


12:05pm: shag groupie laying in bed.


12:10pm: call taxi for groupie.


12:15pm: think about taking a shower.


12:30pm: still in bed and forgetting about shower.


12:35pm: pick up random guitar laying around and strumming a few chords.


12:40pm: put guitar down and get up to walk around. 


12:42pm: light cigarette and finish off last night's unfinished bottle of beer.


12:50pm: get a call from the band manager saying rehearsal is at 3pm.


1pm: open another bottle of beer.


1:10pm: find another groupie laying on the couch in the living room.


1:15pm: shag groupie on couch.


1:17pm: call taxi for couch groupie.


1:20pm: get inspiration for song. pick up guitar and noodle.


1:30pm: open fridge. nothing is inside except a small tub of butter and a squeeze bottle of mustard.

a musician's refrigerator.

1:45pm: go to the bathroom. piss and shit. still don't take a shower.


2pm: get dressed in leather pants, boots, and a sleeveless  t-shirt that says "I <3 to PARTY!"


2:10pm: light another cigarette. 


2:15pm: roll a few joints for rehearsal.


2:30pm: get in beat up car and drive to rehearsal.

going to band practice!

3:15pm: arrive late for band rehearsal. wait for other late band members to arrive.


3:20pm: smoke a joint with the only prompt band member.


3:48pm: band rehearsal starts.


5pm: rehearsal ends. pack up gear for big concert at local recreation center.


5:30pm: smoke a joint with entire band.


5:40pm: manager calls and says sound check is at 6pm and the band needs to be on stage at 11pm.


5:45pm: band members pile into the band van and head to the rec center.


6:15pm: arrive late for sound check. sound guy is still unpacking cables and mic stands.


6:20pm: smoke a joint with sound guy.


6:30pm: unload equipment from band van.


7pm: get a sound check.


7:15pm: leave rec center and go to a local bar and grill for eats.


7:30pm: order a round of beers and burgers. 


7:31pm: flirt with server and offer to put her on guest list for the show.


7:32pm: server feigns interest and truthfully says she's closing and can't make it to the show.

your server has no interest in you.

7:34pm: each band member thinks the server has the hots for him and talks about what they would do to her if they were alone.


7:50pm: eat food!


8pm: order another round of beers.


8:10pm: manager calls and says he expects a packed crowd at the rec center due to a write up from a very influential music journalist. 


8:20pm: pay for food and drinks on record label's credit card. leave bar and grill.


8:35pm: drive back to rec center to find a long line of fans waiting to get in.


8:36pm: go in the back door and straight to the green room.


8:38pm: FULL BLOWN GREEN ROOM PARTY!

what a full blown green room party looks like.

9pm: more drinking, smoking, and lechery ensues.


9:30pm: a roadie brings a live baby shark into the green room.


9:35pm: unspeakable things happen in green room.


9:50pm: drummer and roadie challenge opening band members to a drinking contest.


10pm: more blow is offered to keep staggering and drunk band awake.


10:10pm: light another cigarette.


10:20pm: smoke another joint.


10:30pm: shag another groupie in the restroom.


10:35pm: light another cigarette.


10:45pm: manager arrives to psych up band for epic performance.


11pm: band hits the stage to sold out crowd of screaming fans!

what a crowd of screaming fans may look like!

12:30am: play an encore and leave the stage.


12:40am: sign autographs for fans.


1:30am: head to green room for more partying!


1:45am: smoke another joint.


1:50am: drink a round of beers with band members, roadies, groupies, and the manager.


2am: leave recreation center in band van with groupies sitting on laps.


2:30am: arrive at the after party.


2:45am: smoke joints, drink booze, shag groupies.


4am: invite a few groupies back to apartment for an after-after party.


4:15am: arrive at apartment and shag all groupies that where invited.


4:30am: light a cigarette.


4:45am: smoke a joint.


5am: pass out.

even the cat partied a little too hard!

============

This timeline account of a musician is completely fabricated and made up. In no way does this really happen. Please do not attempt any of the things in the timeline as only professional rock & rollers can maintain this lifestyle. Drugs and alcohol are bad for you and having lots of unprotected sex with strangers could get you a disease or a divorce. I, the blog writer, have never done anything resembling these types of activities. Why are you shaking your head at me? Honest! I don't do these things! Oh well, believe what you want to believe. Now excuse me while I tend to my stamp collection.

- Mike

ps - TRAMP STAMP COLLECTION! HAHAHAHAHA