Monday, May 30, 2011

Top Ten Songs That Cats Would Like

There are top ten songs for most anything including top ten love songs, top ten break up songs, top ten rock songs, top ten hip hop songs, top ten shoegaze songs, top ten polka punk songs, top ten Japanese salsa songs, top ten Christian black metal orgy ballads, and top ten whatever comes to your mind. In this Temporary Rough Venom blog post, I present the Top Ten Songs A Cat Would Like. How do I know what cats like? I'm a cat owner that appreciates all kinds of music styles and some songs just stick out like cat anthems. Here's my cat, Gertie, that will give the commentary breakdown starting at...

10) "Twin Of Myself" - Black Moth Super Rainbow 

Gertie the Cat: "I wish there was a twin of myself to lay around with, but I guess Mike will do."

9) "Das Model" - Kraftwerk

Gertie The Cat: "I imagine a nice German tom cat singing this about ME, because I act and feel like a model pretty much all the time."

8) "Moi Je Joue" - Brigitte Bardot

Gertie The Cat: "Speaking of modeling, I bet I could be just as frisky as a French model cat like Brigitte Bardot."

7) "Everybody's Weird Except Me" - Stereolab

Gertie The Cat: "I'm not weird at at. I'm perfectly normal. OMG, you're about to tie your shoes and I WANT TO EAT THOSE LACES!"

6) "2002 a Hit Song" - Free Design

Gertie The Cat: "This song wasn't a hit in 2002 and it was written and recorded in 1969. I would have loved to try out some 60s catnip with these humans back then."

5) "Baby Love child" - Pizzicato Five

Gertie The Cat: "This song came out in 1994 way before I was a kitten but it still makes me purr to this day."

4) "Love The World" - Perfume

Gertie The Cat: "If I could be human, I would want to be all three of the Perfume girls in one."

3) "Cats on Mars" - The Seatbelts

Gertie The Cat: "This is exactly what it sounds like on Mars. How do I know? I have cat telepathy."

2) "Terminally Chill" - Neon Indian

Gertie The Cat: "This is modern music to my cat ears. I should have taken catnip with you."

1) "Fish Heads" - Barnes & Barnes

Gertie The Cat: "The music starts around the 2:18 mark, but here's the video in it's entirety. After a day of laying around in catnip and sleeping, who doesn't dream of fish heads?"


Like what you hear? Explore the musical artist's other albums and songs and if you have any songs that you think cats would like, email them to me for a possible sequel to this list. Meow!

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Day In The Life Of A Musician: A Timeline Odyssey

12 noon: wake up.

12:05pm: shag groupie laying in bed.

12:10pm: call taxi for groupie.

12:15pm: think about taking a shower.

12:30pm: still in bed and forgetting about shower.

12:35pm: pick up random guitar laying around and strumming a few chords.

12:40pm: put guitar down and get up to walk around. 

12:42pm: light cigarette and finish off last night's unfinished bottle of beer.

12:50pm: get a call from the band manager saying rehearsal is at 3pm.

1pm: open another bottle of beer.

1:10pm: find another groupie laying on the couch in the living room.

1:15pm: shag groupie on couch.

1:17pm: call taxi for couch groupie.

1:20pm: get inspiration for song. pick up guitar and noodle.

1:30pm: open fridge. nothing is inside except a small tub of butter and a squeeze bottle of mustard.

a musician's refrigerator.

1:45pm: go to the bathroom. piss and shit. still don't take a shower.

2pm: get dressed in leather pants, boots, and a sleeveless  t-shirt that says "I <3 to PARTY!"

2:10pm: light another cigarette. 

2:15pm: roll a few joints for rehearsal.

2:30pm: get in beat up car and drive to rehearsal.

going to band practice!

3:15pm: arrive late for band rehearsal. wait for other late band members to arrive.

3:20pm: smoke a joint with the only prompt band member.

3:48pm: band rehearsal starts.

5pm: rehearsal ends. pack up gear for big concert at local recreation center.

5:30pm: smoke a joint with entire band.

5:40pm: manager calls and says sound check is at 6pm and the band needs to be on stage at 11pm.

5:45pm: band members pile into the band van and head to the rec center.

6:15pm: arrive late for sound check. sound guy is still unpacking cables and mic stands.

6:20pm: smoke a joint with sound guy.

6:30pm: unload equipment from band van.

7pm: get a sound check.

7:15pm: leave rec center and go to a local bar and grill for eats.

7:30pm: order a round of beers and burgers. 

7:31pm: flirt with server and offer to put her on guest list for the show.

7:32pm: server feigns interest and truthfully says she's closing and can't make it to the show.

your server has no interest in you.

7:34pm: each band member thinks the server has the hots for him and talks about what they would do to her if they were alone.

7:50pm: eat food!

8pm: order another round of beers.

8:10pm: manager calls and says he expects a packed crowd at the rec center due to a write up from a very influential music journalist. 

8:20pm: pay for food and drinks on record label's credit card. leave bar and grill.

8:35pm: drive back to rec center to find a long line of fans waiting to get in.

8:36pm: go in the back door and straight to the green room.


what a full blown green room party looks like.

9pm: more drinking, smoking, and lechery ensues.

9:30pm: a roadie brings a live baby shark into the green room.

9:35pm: unspeakable things happen in green room.

9:50pm: drummer and roadie challenge opening band members to a drinking contest.

10pm: more blow is offered to keep staggering and drunk band awake.

10:10pm: light another cigarette.

10:20pm: smoke another joint.

10:30pm: shag another groupie in the restroom.

10:35pm: light another cigarette.

10:45pm: manager arrives to psych up band for epic performance.

11pm: band hits the stage to sold out crowd of screaming fans!

what a crowd of screaming fans may look like!

12:30am: play an encore and leave the stage.

12:40am: sign autographs for fans.

1:30am: head to green room for more partying!

1:45am: smoke another joint.

1:50am: drink a round of beers with band members, roadies, groupies, and the manager.

2am: leave recreation center in band van with groupies sitting on laps.

2:30am: arrive at the after party.

2:45am: smoke joints, drink booze, shag groupies.

4am: invite a few groupies back to apartment for an after-after party.

4:15am: arrive at apartment and shag all groupies that where invited.

4:30am: light a cigarette.

4:45am: smoke a joint.

5am: pass out.

even the cat partied a little too hard!


This timeline account of a musician is completely fabricated and made up. In no way does this really happen. Please do not attempt any of the things in the timeline as only professional rock & rollers can maintain this lifestyle. Drugs and alcohol are bad for you and having lots of unprotected sex with strangers could get you a disease or a divorce. I, the blog writer, have never done anything resembling these types of activities. Why are you shaking your head at me? Honest! I don't do these things! Oh well, believe what you want to believe. Now excuse me while I tend to my stamp collection.

- Mike